High

A few nights ago, I was walking to WINCO along the bicycle path that winds through the sport practice fields at the edge of campus. There was a small group huddled on the lawn, puffing away on what appeared to be cigars but smelled like pot. When I returned along the same path a half hour later, all six or seven of them were hopping up and down, each on one leg, laughing hysterically. It was quite an amusing sight, and it made me smile.

I wasn't smiling anymore when they all suddenly stopped hopping, piled into a couple of cars parked in the gravel parking lot adjacent to the path, and drove away.

Go see Amazing Grace

It's, um, amazing.

Perhaps One Should Not

Perhaps one should not decide on a whim at 2:00 in the morning to turn one's own hair into a piece of expressionistic art with a pair of paper-cutting scissors.

Herstory

It's a word I just don't like.

Storms

Yesterday, it was hot and sunny for most of the day (the temperature peaked at 82 degrees - almost 20 degrees higher than normal for May 8). The heat and intensity of the sunlight were oppressive - I am a person who prefers a coastal climate with moderate temperatures and lots of precipitation. I kept thinking that my town's motto should be "zero to 80 in three weeks or less." That's an exaggeration, of course, but it does sometimes seem as though it's winter 3/4 of the year and summer the other quarter. Spring and autumn, my favorite seasons, get short shrift here.

Anyway, in the late afternoon, a storm suddenly blew in. The sky darkened to a slate gray, fat raindrops splashed into puddles, the branches of trees were shaken wildly about in the wind, and streaks of lightning lit up the clouds. The air smelled fresh and damp and earthy, tinged faintly with somewhere-elseness. It made a wild, exhilarating longing rise unexpectedly inside me.

Almost as quickly as it came, the storm died down and then vanished, leaving the sky a dusky rose-violet. Slanting rays of sunlight illuminated a rainbow that appeared in the east between billowing clouds. White-blossomed plants shimmered with dew, wet pavement shone, the tops of trees glowed as though dipped in gold paint. All I could think was O my Lord, you are glorious!

And then I thought, maybe this is how it is with storms. We need them - the storms in our lives - to cleanse us, to deepen our appreciation of beauty, to awaken our longings for truth, for justice, for mercy, for goodness. Our experience of storms makes it possible to rejoice when things are made new again. Maybe this is why God allows us to suffer.

White

I think it's my new favorite color.

Best Compliments

Every once in a while, someone gives me a compliment that really makes my day (month, year...). Here, in order, are the compliments that have meant the most to me:

1. I was at Fred Meyer browsing in the housewares department while I waited for my then-fiancé (now ex) to finish up some shopping. I was feeling particularly grungy because of having spent the weekend camping without access to a shower and particularly low because my fiancé had just unleashed a torrent of verbal abuse. The weekend had been quite painful, but I was trying hard not to let the degree to which his words had impacted me visibly show. Anyway, I was standing there alone in the housewares department of Fred Meyer on our return home from our camping trip when a handsome stranger who looked like he was in his early forties approached me and said emphatically, "If I were twenty years younger, I would be camped out on your doorstep." My initial reaction was one of hostility at what I thought must be a cheap pickup line, but when I looked more closely, I saw that he had a kind face and was being completely sincere. I simply said, "Thank you," and he smiled warmly and walked away. It cheered me up immeasurably.

2. "You have true grit." My mom told me this, and I like to think that it's true.

3. "You have an ageless face and such a cheerful, pleasant disposition." My friend Sarah, on why most people who meet me think I'm in my early twenties when I am actually 30. This is a much nicer explanation than immaturity.

What are the best compliments you have ever received?

Two Situations

There are two situations in which you can learn a great deal about yourself and other people: being drunk and playing Scrabble.

Dawn

A young dawn
splashes orange against my wall,
blue shadow-dappled.
Soon it will fade
into the bright white age of
day.

A Poem for Academia

This is my not-quite love poem for the sometimes myopic world of academia, my farewell to the Ivory Tower.

Feed me with your words of praise,
your checks, your stars, your penned in As,
and I will gobble down your prose,
gorge myself upon the rows
of letters, yet imagine
my soul to be of greater weight
than all these reams, this feast I ate,
and pray that my heart does not shrink,
that in my veins flows
blood, not ink.

And now for a bit of randomness

I'm a sucker for packaging.
I really like hot pink.
I hate bumming cigarettes, but I love it when people bum cigarettes from me.
Cherry blossom trees and plants with white flowers feel like a great big "I love you" from God.
I should be careful what I say in front of classrooms full of people I respect.
Men should keep their hands to themselves. (Except for hugs from friends. Those are nice.)
Skateboarders are talented. And brave.
Writing is the best.
I miss the rain.
There are too many feral cats in this world.
People shouldn't chase bunnies.
I want a beer. A glass of wine would be nice too. Or a gin and tonic.
I don't care if I flunk a class. Well, maybe I care a little, but not as much as I used to.
I don't want to make excuses for myself ever again.
Friendship is hard. And scary. And wonderful.
I want a boyfriend. I want my next boyfriend to be my husband.
Tallness is an attractive quality in a man. So is kindness.
Time really does heal all wounds.
Sufjan Stevens is amazing. AMAZING!!!
He is also gorgeous.
You are gorgeous.
The world is gorgeous.
I want to read the classics.
I want to read Moby Dick.
American Sign Language is the most beautiful language in the world.
I am looking forward to having a mindless job that involves grunt work.
I hope I don't die before someone kisses me.
I want some summer sandals. Strappy (p)leather ones. With heels. They have to be comfortable.
Cheap shoes suck.
Spring and fall are the best seasons.
I want to watch Fiddler on the Roof.
I would give almost anything to be a morning person.
I respect people who brew their own coffee. I would like to be one of those people. Someday I will be.
One of my life's goals is to be a barista.
I hope I don't die before I travel around the world.
I don't know whether I am a feminist.
I hate saying goodbye. When people leave, they are irreplaceable.
I love church. I LOVE church.
Incense smells like heaven. I wonder if heaven will smell like incense.
I still don't know what I am doing with my life.
I want to eat an omelette.
I think I am going to stop now.