So this weekend I attended a conference hosted by an interdenominational Christian fellowship on the topics of dating, singleness, and sexuality. It was hard, but God is good!
Here, in completely random order, are a few things that I learned, heard, realized, or reflected on, and that are just on my heart.
Pain can paralyze, or it can be a catalyst for change.
Jesus did not sin, but when he was angry, he told the truth.
Suicidal thoughts can be the result of repressed rage, anger turned inwards.
We have the right to defend ourselves when we are being attacked.
Aggressiveness, bad. Assertiveness, good.
Once we receive God's forgiveness, we don't carry the guilt of past broken relationships with us any more, but we very well may carry the consequences. Healing is an ongoing process.
Healthy relationships are rooted in prayer.
BUT (warning! warning!) we ought to be cautious not to share too much of our hearts with a member of the opposite sex even in the innocent form of prayer requests a) too soon, or b) when that person is not your spouse. This was a guideline given by one of the speakers, and it had never even occurred to me that sharing deeply about something as seemingly edifying as spirital concerns could be a danger area. Oh, man, this one really hit me. I can see this potentially coming up for partners in ministry, as well as in dating relationships and even same-sex friendships.
It takes time to build trust.
In order to know a person's true character, it is necessary to see them in a wide variety of different situations over a long period of time.
The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.
When you have experienced abuse, unexpected kindness can unhinge you. While it is good to be cracked open by love, it is important to be discerning and aware of the potential to develop inappropriate feelings for the person showing you kindness.
How do we receive love within a community while guarding against sin?
If you respect, admire or love the character qualities of a person, look not to that person but to the AUTHOR of those qualities.
We cannot take that question of "Am I worthy? Am I loveable? Am I beautiful (or handsome)?" to a person. We must take that question only to God.
Letting people walk on you in the guise of emotional martyrdom or bearing of a cross DOES NOT BENEFIT YOU OR THEM SPIRITUALLY! Yes, we should turn the other cheek and not retaliate. Yes, we should forgive. But that is not the same thing as letting yourself be abused. Does it benefit the other person spiritually to abuse you? No. Does it benefit them spiritually when you speak the truth in love, set boundaries, clearly communicate those boundaries in a firm but loving way, and walk away if necessary? Yes.
Jesus is really good at rolling away stones - tombstones (his own and others') and stones that are lodged in the heart.
If it's someone else's problem, don't own it. Don't apologize for things you haven't actually done wrong. False humility might seem like a good way to fix a failing relationship, but it's still false. There is no truth in deceit. Accepting the burden of undeserved guilt can actually lead to MORE sin.
When we are responsible for a broken relationship, we must go to the person, repent and do what we can to reconcile.
Guard your heart. Guard your heart. Guard your heart.
We are made in the image of God, and we can be the face of God to each other, but claiming to be the face of God for others (as we Christians sometimes do because that is what we are striving for) can be very dangerous. It is a tremendous responsibility that should be undertaken with the utmost rootedness in prayer - with gravity, solemnity, humility and joy. How we treat someone may influence their concept of God!
When in danger of giving way to temptation, make like Joseph and flee!
Dressing modestly is important. Women should be mindful of men's temptations. But it's also important to be non-judgmental when a woman is less than perfectly modest. She may be unaware that her top has slipped down and her cleavage is showing or she may simply see herself as so unattractive that it is difficult for her to conceive of herself as being a temptation at all.
How do we guard our hearts while allowing ourselves the vulnerability that is necessary for Jesus' love to penetrate when we have been betrayed, abused, wounded, broken? This seems like a paradox to me - sort of like the paradox of being empty to receive and filled to overflowing at the same time. Or like being broken and whole at the same time. Jars of clay and vessels of the Holy Spirit. I don't know. Is the answer a discerning vulnerability? Guarded to men and vulnerable to God?
Consent is more than "yes." Consent is "yes" freely given without coercion, threat, guilt or manipulation.
Two halves coming together to make a whole is not magic, it's math. Two wholes coming together to form one is the work of God.
Three "big rocks" (areas to focus on): 1. our relationship with God, 2. community, 3. our calling. Everything else is just little pebbles. Focus on the big rocks and the pebbles will fall into place. Focus on the pebbles, and you won't be able to fit in the big rocks.
People will often take the cue from us as to how they should treat us. Standards are a good thing.
When someone is in emotional distress, it is very important to respond. As many times as necessary. Preferably the person responding should be of the same sex, or the responders should be a male-female team.
I may add more as I think of them. Comments welcome!
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